It comes down to This (revisited)

That she will submit to the whip has become the central fact of her existence.

It comes down to this. This is the central fact of her existence now. Not the actual beating, so much as the fact that they both know that he can beat her. That he will beat her, whenever he feels like it. That whenever he wishes, despite her desperation not to be whipped, she will strip naked for him and present herself in whatever horribly vulnerable position he asks … and let him hurt her. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 23 minutes; 4900 words

[Read More]

Fatal Attraction Pt.4

The beauty parlour dream has been filled with astonishing and disturbing novelties; she knows that the waking will be hard, and holds the dream around her until, at last, it breaks.

It is all so strange, and— yes— dreamlike, at the same as I know that, through this dream, I am sleepwalking, entirely of my own volition, into what any sane person would consider to be a nightmare. A living nightmare. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 17 minutes; 3500 words

[Read More]

Justine, Pt1.

We meet Justine, who has an insane and disturbing proposition to make a decision about, and we learn about her background.

The unacceptable reality, the truth which she cannot hide from herself, but also cannot endure, is that it was her who had asked the questions. Her who had driven it— at least at the start. That as soon as she had stopped responding, they had suggested a change of subject. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes; 1800 words

[Read More]

Justine, Pt2.

Justine's turmoil intensifies; we learn about Sir Stephen, and something about his part in how she has come to be in turmoil.

Stefan had made his decision, and this conversation only reinforced it. She was suitable. Her chances of having a meaningful life were better his way. Even if it would be the sort of meaning that he appreciated, and very different indeed to the kind of 'special' that Ulya had hoped for her child. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 12 minutes; 2400 words

[Read More]

Justine, Pt3.

Justine's year as an upmarket au-pair, during which she begins to think of herself as a sexual being.

It was beginning to be a little of an obsession with her, wondering if, before the summer was out, one of them would find a way to proposition her, and if she would find it possible to say 'yes'— not just freeze like a silly little almost-virgin. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes; 1900 words

[Read More]

Justine, Pt4.

Justine accepts Sir Stephen's suggestion of a position as a maid to a high-value business conclave, and is treated as a servant.

If the room was almost overwhelmingly grand, this was more or less as expected. What was not expected, what made Justine's belly clench was that she recognised several of the people around the table, and that their faces generated strong emotions in her [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 20 minutes; 4300 words

[Read More]

Justine, Pt5.

The position of 'maid of the salon' is both important and meaningless; Justine finds it disturbing. But then 'the incidents' begin…

The incident; Justine, who had so skittishly jumped when propositioned, when lightly touched, Justine, who had been so outraged to be patted on the bum when in her waitress outfit; now, in the atmosphere of that house, the same Justine had done the opposite, had suppressed her nervous reaction, her outrage at such behaviour. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 13 minutes; 2600 words

[Read More]

Justine, Pt6.

The second incident takes Justine by surprise and overwhelms her…

Oh dear, silly girl. You have ruined the rug, and wasted my rather expensive and very hard to get nail varnish. Now, you have to decide something. Do you want me to punish you, in which case I will take all responsibility, or do you want me to call Mme. Creux and tell her of your several failings? [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 18 minutes; 3800 words

[Read More]

Justine, Pt7.

Deeply disturbed by Chanxin's abuses, Justine knows she must do something— but finds herself frightened and weak, and with conflicting thoughts.

She would ask for a meeting with Mme. Danika at the earliest moment. Mme. Danika would make things right. If Sir Stephen was the head and the captain of the group, she was the backbone. If Mme. Danika would listen to her, she would be safe. She would go to her, as soon as possible, and say that she had decided, for personal reasons, that she needed to go home. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 18 minutes; 3700 words

[Read More]

Justine, Pt8.

Justine receives an impactful lesson in pragmatic philosophy, delivered by Mme Creux.

Simply, stop trying to be your hero, stop thinking about the possibility of it, even. That's all it takes. Step in to your reality; that you are not required to be a hero, not capable of it; that you can relax into the role you were born to— that of an extra— a walk-on part— a plot device in the story of others, who are real heroes. Everything will be simpler, I promise you. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes; 2300 words

[Read More]