#Karsh

The 'phone rang the next day. 'This is Mr Karsh' assistant. Am I speaking to Miss Suky..?' 'Um .. Yes, yes, that's me.' A weird flutter in my chest. He HAD been looking at me! Looking at my body, really. I had been a little shocked - such an eminent man. But it had been impossible not to notice. And I had been astonished to discover that I was responding, finding his rather crude attention interesting - flattering. I would never have expected myself to react like that! I kept cool - it was just an interesting sensation really, to discover that I could get flustered by the obvious attention of a rich old man - old enough to be my father. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 27 minutes

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He wasn't even a proper boyfriend. I mean, I saw him fairly often, had sex with him, occasionally went to places with him -- but there was no real relationship, no depth to it, no thought in my mind that it could ever go anywhere. Which just makes what happened even stranger. Not that it matters now, of course. Nothing matters any more. But it intrigues me, going over it, how one step led to another, how improbable and -- well wrong, it all was. Is. And yet when I think about each decision point, each place where I could have changed the way things went -- changed them for the better, for the saner, for the healthier -- I cannot imagine myself, at that moment, making any other choice than the one that I did make. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 19 minutes

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'You have enormous capacity for intensity, desire, extremity – but this is either deeply suppressed, or perhaps, you are simply unaware of it – it having never been awakened.' [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 27 minutes

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I used to be called Timmy. Nowadays, I'm called anything that gets my attention (and I'm shamefully, pathetically attentive), usually something like 'pussy', 'cunt', or 'whore', but occasionally I do still get 'Timmy'. Often this is a sign that something really hard is coming—that I'm going to be asked for my consent to something further, some step further away from the fantasy that I could ever mean anything. Some step that will be agony to take, but which both I and whoever it is asking for it know that I will be helpless to resist. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 39 minutes

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The 'phone rang the next day. 'This is Mr Karsh' assistant. Am I speaking to Miss S..?' 'Um .. Yes, yes, that's me.' A weird flutter in my chest. He HAD been looking at me! Looking at my body, really. I had been a little shocked - such an eminent man. But it had been impossible not to notice. And I had been astonished to discover that I was responding, finding his rather crude attention interesting - flattering. I would never have expected myself to react like that! I kept cool - it was just an interesting sensation really, to discover that I could get flustered by the obvious attention of a rich old man - old enough to be my father. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 44 minutes

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Now though, the experience of having been so comprehensively, selfishly and thoroughly used and abused by Karsh, of cooking for Karsh, all but naked, my ass alternately swatted and fondled at will, of being offered to Ninotsch like a party favour, all this had changed things. I knew, now, as a bodily experience, what it was to be in someone's power, to serve because you have no option, to be consumed by the need to serve well, to satisfy, from a place of subjugation, rather than from self-motivation - and what it was like not to be in a position to trust your own judgement - when a capricious master is the only judge that matters. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 31 minutes

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Opening my eyes from sleep the next morning, I am hazy from the intensity and disturbing perversity of the dreams I've been having, from nights of broken sleep — but most of all by the bizarreness of waking up to process a reality stranger than dreams. I have somehow accepted — in my head at least (physically, nothing at all has changed; I've met him twice, he's hardly touched me) — that I have given myself over to the perverse desires of a virtual stranger. That I am in some sense his. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 43 minutes

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The worst thing about it was that I was so frightened. Not 'run away' frightened, but 'can I survive this?' frightened. This was it. Nothing now lay between me and the uncompromising focused willpower of this greedy powerhouse of a man—a man I had somehow given myself over to on the basis of a few days contact and some extraordinarily abusive sex. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 37 minutes

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Karsh tells her how it will be; 'You must understand that you are completely irrelevant to anything important—a fanciful entertainment, nothing more. The moment you cease to be entertaining, you will be disposed of. If you wish to be kept, commit yourself to my satisfaction, with your whole being. I am relentlessly greedy. There will be no room for anything else but dedication to my pleasure in your existence. Go over this advice in your head, commit it to memory; repeat it to yourself, for I will not rehearse or explain it for you. Let it become your creed; live by it.' [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 43 minutes

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They meet at an opera fundraiser, and she is enraged. Things change, though. [Read More]

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes

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